The Meat Market
by Comedicdrama
Summary: A/U Dean is a problematic neighbor and goes out of his way to torment Castiel, and vice versa. But when they both register for a dating site, little do they know they'd be falling for each other.


**A/N: A Christmas present to the wonderous Zeppx. To anyone who isn't Zeppx, reviews are always appreciated.**

* * *

><p>"Honestly, Dean... The lengths you'll go to just to get laid..." Sam was looking over Dean's shoulder, checking the latest dating site Dean was signing up for. The Meat Market. Sam shuddered and then rolled his eyes.<p>

"Hey, shut up. I don't judge you and your 'Mr. Sensitive' routine. Now show me how to put my pictures up on here." Dean had already filled out all of his profile information, including what he was looking for in his ideal mate. All that was left was to upload a variety of pictures.

"I think I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a fork." Sam knew what kind of pictures Dean had in mind. He had stumbled upon the ones Dean kept saved on his camera.

"Oh, come on, Sammy. They're sexy."

"Taking naked pictures of yourself in the bathroom mirror isn't sexy, Dean. It's kind of slutty."

"What? ...how did you know about that?"

"Who the hell brings a camera into the bathroom when they shower? I connected the dots."

"I am _not_ the only one... See here? Here's a whole website filled with guys doing the same." Dean opened up a website of a variety of naked men, taking pictures of themselves in their bathroom mirrors. Dean had a smug grin on his face, as he clicked through a few of the pictures.

"Dude, sick!" Sam turned his back to Dean and his computer, trying to forget the images he just saw.

"It's not sick. It's kinda hot." Dean was still clicking through various pictures.

"I refuse to help you. The last thing I need in my life is to see your junk and to help everyone else see your junk."

"Aww, please Sammy?" Sam had already begun collecting this things from around the apartment.

"No way, man. Plus, I gotta head to class. Thanks for the images of crotches to tide me over through my classes. Just what I needed."

"No problem. I do what I can."

Sam headed to the door, silently cursing Dean, trying to get the images out of his head. When he opened the door, he was surprised to see someone standing on the other side.

"Uh... Hello." It was their angry neighbor. Looks like he was about to knock when Sam opened the door.

"Sasquatch, that assbutt you call a brother parked his shitty car in my spot again." The man had a permanent frown on his face. He was also incapable of any emotion aside from 'asshole'.

Sam couldn't help but feel a little defensive. "You seem pretty angry for a tiny robot. Did you install iEmotion all of a sudden?"

The man rolled his eyes. "Are you going to move it, or not?"

"I would if I could. But I'm apparently not allowed to touch it. So, you'll have to convince Romeo himself." He motioned over his shoulder towards Dean inside the apartment.

"Listen. Just tell short bus in there that he needs to move it, or I'll call the manager."

Sam called back to Dean over his shoulder, hoping he was actually listening, and not looking at porn. "Dean, the angry blue eyed man wants you to move your baby. _Or __else_." Sam looked back at the man with a forced smile on his face.

"There. Now was that so hard?"

The man still wasn't leaving, so Sam continued. "Anything else, your majesty?"

"Yes. The two of you are a pain in my ass... But I think you already knew that." The angry man actually smiled when he said that. An evil smile.

"I had a hunch. Thank you for confirming it. Have a _wonderful_ day." Sam closed the door behind him, and shoved past the man, heading to his own car in the parking lot. He couldn't be late to class.

Leaving Dean alone on the Internet was never a good idea. Pretty soon he was cruising through the profiles on The Meat Market, focusing on guys in his area. He tried to stick to the ones with pictures only, but he quickly realized that he hooked up with most of them at some point. So he broadened his horizons, and decided to check some profiles without pictures. One in particular caught his eye.

**BackInBlack****67:** hi

**BehindBlueEyes****: **67? Seriously?

**BackInBlack****67:** wat? all i said was hi.

**BehindBlueEyes****: **You're a little out of my age range, don't you think?

**BackInBlack****67: **32 is to old?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Oh, sorry. I thought you were 67 or something.

**BackInBlack****67: **no 32

**BehindBlueEyes****: **What's with the 67, then?

**BackInBlack****67: **its the year of my car

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Oh... Cool.

**BackInBlack****67: **i like ur name

**BehindBlueEyes****: **What do you mean?

**BackInBlack****67: **its one of my fav songs

**BehindBlueEyes****: **It's a song?

**BackInBlack****67: **ya man! the who

**BehindBlueEyes****: **The Who?

**BackInBlack****67: **u didnt know that?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **No. I just liked the expression...

**BackInBlack****67: **o... am i bothering u?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **No, sorry... I am just irritated by my neighbor.

**BackInBlack****67:** y?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **He's an ass.

**BackInBlack****67:** wat did he do?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **He keeps parking his car in my space, and then refuses to move it.

**BackInBlack****67:** i hate whn that happens. sounds lke a jerk

**BehindBlueEyes****: **He's a pain. No consideration at all.

**BackInBlack****67:** i knw that feeling

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Oh yeah?

**BackInBlack****67:** ya. my neighbor calls the cops on me alot

**BehindBlueEyes****: **For what?

**BackInBlack****67:** i listen to my music to loud or something. he just hates music

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Man, he sounds like an ass as well.

**BackInBlack****67: **yp. i think he goes out of his way to torment me

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Sounds like we need better neighbors. I'd never call the cops on someone playing their music.

**BackInBlack****67: **n i wouldnt park in someone elses space. gotta respect a car and its bed, ya know?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Wow, we're just ranting now.

**BackInBlack****67:** its ok. its gud to vent.

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Thanks. You're easy to vent to, apparently.

**BackInBlack****67: **u to

**BehindBlueEyes****: **So, what made you want to message me?

**BackInBlack****67:** u dont have a pic so i was curious. and i liked ur name.

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Oh... Long story. I'll have to tell you about it later. You don't have a picture either, you know.

**BackInBlack****67:** i dont know how to get it on here. i asked my bro to help but he refused

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Why's that?

**BackInBlack****67:** i guess he didnt want to see me naked. such a wimp. he sucks as a wingman.

**BehindBlueEyes****: **I can't really argue with him. I wouldn't want to see my brothers naked.

**BackInBlack****67:** tru. but still im pretty hot

**BehindBlueEyes****: **I'm sure you are.

**BackInBlack****67:** hey, my brother just got back. i gtg. can we talk later?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Yeah, sure. Just don't pester him about your pictures. Save him some mental scarring.

**BackInBlack****67:** will do. bye blue eyes.

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Bye 67.

Sam opened the door, tired from classes and took one look towards Dean, his eyes widening in horror. "Damn it, Dean, why aren't you wearing pants?"

* * *

><p>The next morning, Dean woke up with a smile on his face. Despite having no idea what the mystery man looked like, he was surprisingly easy to talk to. He wasn't really accustomed to actually getting to know the people he slept with, but this site forced him to dig deeper.<p>

He rolled out of bed and decided to get ready for work. He had his own business, so he didn't really have a specific time he had to be there... but it was now or never. So he pulled on some of his grubby work clothes, grabbed a donut and some coffee from the kitchen, leaving some for Sammy, and he headed out his door.

He made it most of the way down the hallway, nearing his car when he realized he left the shop keys on the counter. He made a quick stop and turned around, only to run into the angry neighbor... He managed to knock the briefcase out of the man's hand as well, spilling papers everywhere.

"Oh great. As if I wasn't late enough already."

Such a wonderful problem to deal with in the morning. Dean growled to himself. "Maybe you should watch where you're running."

"Well, if you didn't keep me up all night with your damned music, I wouldn't be running late."

"Maybe if you developed a taste for the good things in life, you wouldn't be such a miserable ass."

"Since when is comparing dessert to a woman's vaginal region a good thing in life?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was keeping you from catching whodunnit."

"Ha. Ha. Ha. A Columbo reference? Original. Isn't he a little out of your scope? I don't think he's starred in porn."

"You're such a dick."

"And I bet that makes you tingly in your lady bits."

Dean rolled his eyes, and headed back to his apartment to grab the missing keys. He made sure to step on as many of the man's papers as possible as he was walking away, though. The schadenfreude was delicious.

When Dean got home from work, Sam was at one of his classes, so he took the time to visit The Meat Market once again. Upon logging in, he saw the familiar name from last time, and he fought the smile trying to form. Something about this man... It was just what he needed after the run in with the asshole of a neighbor and a long day at work.

**BackInBlack****67:** hey blue

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Still no picture? Couldn't convince your brother to help yet?

**BackInBlack****67:** u told me to leave him alone

**BehindBlueEyes****: **And you actually listened?

**BackInBlack****67:** sure. i alwys listen to strangers from the internet

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Sounds dangerous.

**BackInBlack****67:** thats my middle name

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Dangerous?

**BackInBlack****67:** sure. so u promised me a story

**BehindBlueEyes****: **I did?

**BackInBlack****67:** yh. about ur pic.

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Oh... I guess so.

**BackInBlack****67:** do i need to grab some popcorn?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Haha. No, it's not that interesting.

**BackInBlack****67:** im all ears

**BehindBlueEyes****: **You mean eyes?

**BackInBlack****67:** whatevr

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Well, long story short... Guys just go after me for my looks. So, by removing my picture, guys are forced to get to know me before deciding they desperately want to hook up with me.

**BackInBlack****67:** makes sense

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Yeah, I thought so. Hasn't worked so far, but you never know.

**BackInBlack****67:** ill go with tht excuse to

**BehindBlueEyes****: **You know, I finally listened to that song.

**BackInBlack****67:** wat song?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Behind Blue Eyes.

**BackInBlack****67:** o. and?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **It's not too bad...

**BackInBlack****67:** i knw, right!

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Not something I'd normally listen to, but I added it to my iPod.

**BackInBlack****67:** awsome. sometimes i catch myself singing it at work

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Yeah? Where do you work?

**BackInBlack****67:** im a mechanic. u?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Banker.

**BackInBlack****67:** sounds nerdy. i was never good wth math

**BehindBlueEyes****: **And I was never good with cars, so that makes us even.

**BackInBlack****67:** well if ur car ever breaks down, u know who to ask for help

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Sounds good! Is that a promise?

**BackInBlack****67:** absolutly

**BehindBlueEyes****: **I'll hold you to it.

**BackInBlack****67:** n if i ever need a banker?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **I'll be here.

**BackInBlack****67:** gud.

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Good.

**BackInBlack****67:** so did u listen to ne thing else by the who?

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><p>Castiel woke the next morning with some pep in his step. He actually met a guy on the internet that wasn't a total creep. Sure, he didn't know what he looked like, or really much about him, but the man seemed to take a general interest in Cas even without his picture.<p>

He got ready for work, actually on time this morning. He peeked out of his apartment door, making sure those two neighbor monster men were nowhere to be found. Once he was satisfied that they were not there, he headed out, humming to himself.

The work day was dragging by, and Castiel was trying to focus on work, sorting through the mountain of papers on his desk. Ruby, on the other hand, had other ideas. "Okay, what's with the stupid smile on your face? No one gets that excited over tax receipts."

Cas glanced up at her, rolled his eyes, and focused back on his work. "It's nothing, Ruby."

She walked up to his desk, leaning on it now, trying her best to get him to crack. "You can't lie to me. I can see right through you. You got laid, didn't you?"

"What?" His eyes widened, and he looked up at her, then immediately back down to his work. "No way."

She inched closer to him, studying his face carefully. "Yeah? Then why are you blushing? He must be quite the guy." She took a seat on the edge of his desk, satisfied with her prodding. "What's his name?"

"I... don't actually know." Cas was visibly embarrassed by that admission.

"Oh, so it was a one night fling? Look at you go." She patted him on the back.

Cas wanted her to disappear at this point. No one takes that much interest in his personal life. "No, no, no... Nothing like that."

"Then what is it? You look as excited as a virgin on prom night."

"Remember that site I signed up for a while ago?"

She perked an eyebrow, trying not to giggle. "The Meat Market?"

"Yeah... Well, I kinda met someone on there."

"Even without your picture on there?"

"Yeah. It didn't seem to bother him much. He didn't have a picture either."

She sighed. "That usually means they're ugly."

"I don't know. He can't be _that_ bad, can he? He's a mechanic."

"Oh, I bet you'd love him to give you a lube job."

Cas groaned at the cheesy pun, trying to bury his face in his arm. "Do you think I should meet him? He doesn't seem to be crazy or anything."

"Hell yeah. Get your ass online and make the first move."

"I don't know... I mean, we've only chatted a few times. Maybe it's too soon?"

"It's never too soon. Now or never, and all that shit. I mean, you meet him now and see what he looks like. If he's as hideous as he likely is, then you can save yourself some pain later. And if he's hot as hell, which I doubt, then you can be bumping uglies in no time."

Castiel stared at her in silence, tilting his head, dumbfounded. "You have a way with words..."

"What's the worse that can happen? Just make sure you meet him in a public place, so you don't get drugged or something. Unless you're into that, of course."

Cas rolled his eyes.

Castiel hurried home, hoping the mystery man was online. He made Cas happy, despite his horrible typing and spelling skills. And with Ruby's little "pep talk", he felt like he was willing to take the chance, and ask the man to meet him. In public.

**BackInBlack****67:** hey blue

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Hey there, 67.

**BackInBlack****67:** how ws ur day?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Listen... Would you want to possibly meet somewhere?

**BackInBlack****67:** wat?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **You know, like get a drink, or something.

**BackInBlack****67:** o yah. id love to

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Got a favorite bar?

**BackInBlack****67:** im not picky. up to u

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Umm... The Den?

**BackInBlack****67:** sounds gud

**BehindBlueEyes****: **How's your Friday around 6 looking?

**BackInBlack****67:** i guess ill be at the den

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Perfect.

**BackInBlack****67:** how will i find u?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **You'll know it's me. I'm the one with the blue eyes, remember?

**BackInBlack****67:** dressed like a nerd?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **A banker, yeah. You'll spot me.

**BackInBlack****67:** k cool

**BehindBlueEyes****: **And you?

**BackInBlack****67:** uh green eyes n hot as hell

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Right, right, of course.

* * *

><p>Dean would never admit to being nervous... But he was. He could hardly keep still, his leg vibrating all the nearby tables. He kept scanning the room, hoping to spot the mystery man. Without a picture, it was kinda hard to figure out what he would look like. Dean only figured he'd probably be hot... and he had blue eyes... and dressed nice.<p>

As he was scanning, he saw the bane of his existence sitting at the bar. Wanting to kill some time, he decided to approach the man. "Wow, they actually let you out of your cage?"

The man narrowed his eyes, turning towards Dean, beer in hand. "On the hunt for your nightly hook-up? I didn't know the short bus made stops out here."

Dean made sure to point out the man's odd attire. "You know, with a trench coat like that, people might mistake you for a flasher."

The man rolled his eyes and sighed. "What do you want?"

"Well, I was here trying to enjoy myself when I felt a disturbance in the force... And sure enough, the blue eyed ass appears." Dean was proud of his Star Wars reference, even though the man probably wouldn't get it.

"So... What, you came over to talk to me?"

"Well, I couldn't be the only one with a ruined evening, so I figured I'd take yours down with mine."

He gave a fake, forced smile. "How considerate."

Dean bowed a bit. "I'm quite a gentleman."

"That's great. You can leave now; I'm meeting someone."

Dean feigned surprise, widening his eyes. "What, you actually have friends? Consider my mind blown."

"Wouldn't take a lot. Goodbye, pain in my ass."

The man shrugged Dean off, so Dean slunk back to his booth, flagging down the waitress for another drink.

A few hours pass, and the mystery man still hasn't shown up. The angry blue eyed ass was still sitting at the bar, and Dean was having a really hard time convincing himself to sit still, and not go mess with the man. Deciding to nip the problem in the bud, he finished off his drink, left some cash on the table, and exited the bar, feeling a bit more than disappointed.

* * *

><p>Castiel woke the next morning with a bit of a headache, but luckily no hangover. Emotion-wise, though, he was aching pretty bad. The man never showed up. He waited for hours, and saw no sign of him... And even managed to get pestered by his irritating neighbor, of all people.<p>

He wanted to confront the man, ask him why he stood him up... But it was still in the morning, and he doubted if he'd be online. He had to check, though.

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Hey. You around?

**BackInBlack****67:** ya. where were u last nite?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **What are you talking about? I was at the bar almost all night.

**BackInBlack****67:** so was i

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Look, you don't need to lie to me. If you didn't want to meet up, you could have just said so.

**BackInBlack****67:** no really. i was there for hours. i was looking for u.

**BehindBlueEyes****: **There weren't that many people there. What were you wearing?

**BackInBlack****67:** green coat. blue jeans. black shirt

**BehindBlueEyes****: **…

**BackInBlack****67:** wut?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **Is your car a big black boxy car?

**BackInBlack****67:** an impala. yah

**BehindBlueEyes****: **And your brother... Is he freakishly tall?

**BackInBlack****67:** yah y?

**BehindBlueEyes****: **…

**BackInBlack****67:** wat?

**BackInBlack****67:** hello?

**BackInBlack****67:** u ther?

Castiel was pretty stupid for not putting the pieces together earlier. The man was at the bar. The man also lived across the hall from him this whole time. The man was also a pain in his ass... But what's worse? He actually agreed with the man that his "neighbor" was an asshole. He called himself an asshole. So, maybe Castiel did go out of his way to be especially rude to the man. He'd have to make up for it at some point, but for now... there was bigger things to deal with. Namely meeting his mystery online man.

He knocked on the man's door, and waited slightly impatiently for him to answer. When the man flung the door open, he took one look at Castiel, and his body language immediately shifted towards the defensive. "What do you want now? Couldn't get enough of me last night?"

"Back in black 67?"

The man looked a little stunned. "What?"

"You're back in black 67."

"Wha... How did you know?"

"It's me."

"The blue eyed asshole that is my neighbor? Yeah."

"No. It's me. Behind blue eyes."

The man's mouth dropped open. "No way."

"Were you talking to him just now? And then he mysteriously stopped talking?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Yeah..."

"Because he had to get out of his chair and walk across the hall to knock on your door."

"But it's not possible. You're... _you_."

"Still think it's a coincidence that we both showed up at the bar?"

The man stood there in silence, looking Castiel up and down, obviously pondering something. "So, uh... Wanna come in? My brother'll be gone for a while."

This was Cas' turn to be stunned. "...What?"

"Want. To. Come. In?" The man punctuated each word, forcing them to sink in.

"Uh... Sure. You owe me a drink, anyway." Castiel walked into the apartment, the man closing the door behind him.


End file.
